MIA
I’ve been MIA for a while but finally have time to blog a bit. Things are going as well as I can expect them to, I think. Schizoaffective is not an easy disorder to live with but it could be much worse than it is at the moment. Am on some new meds and hoping to regain my stability soon. Meanwhile, all is well on the diet front. I’m eating according to plan and getting in some daily exercise. I just wish everything could be GOOD and on and EVEN KEEL all at the same time. Right now there are ups and downs and sideways and no consistency. I guess that is just the nature of the beast.
Schizobabe
Normal?
I guess things are getting more normal around here. I am not risking life and limb just by being alone these days. Crushing my meds seems to be affective. Now that I’ve seen my surgeon I understand all the aspects at play with this. I didn’t know going into surgery that anyone with a depressive disorder could expect to deteriorate after surgery. I guess that it is obvious that this is part of what has happened. Another part of the equation is that I am Vitamin D3 deficient. Hello SAD. One of the major symptoms of Vitamin D deficiency is Seasonal Affective Disorder.This has kicked my depression into high gear and it has been almost unmanageable. Another symptoms is weakened bones, hence the two broken toes in the last few months. I guess THAT is explained now. Plus, I haven’t been getting enough Calcium so I am having to remedy that too. Requirements for Calcium have changed in the two years since I had surgery. I now need between 1500 and 2000 mgs. I guess I can end by saying that in spite of being completely abnormal I’m closer to the “normal” me than I have been in a while.
Schizobabe
Let Me Share Some News People
Schizoaffective Disorder sucks. I have been to hell and back and to hell and back again many time during the last few weeks. It turns out that psych meds and gastric bypass surgery don’t always work well together. Surprise Surprise. I’ve had several cutting episodes. I’ve been low enough to call a suicide hotline on several occasion. Boy, where they helpful. NOT. I guess that can’t do anything but tell you to call your therapist the next week or take your meds unless you actually have a gun to your head and intend to use it. I just wanted someone to talk me down. To take the edge off my despair and give me any kind of reason to hope that things would get better. Eventually, after days of eyeing those full bottles of psych meds, I was able to get someone to listen. I’m in a much better place now but still prone to meltdowns when my anxiety gets too high or when anything little insignificant trigger send me to the pit of hell. I’ve taken my psychologists advice and am now grinding my tablets and opening the capsules and taking the meds in powder form. This helps my body to absorb them before they work their way through my abbreviated digestive system. It seems to be working so far. Not major issues, just a few minor ones. I’m hoping and praying this is the beginning of an upswing. Don’t know how much more downswing I can manage to cope with. I don’t regret my gastric bypass surgery but I do regret not finding out exactly what could happen with my medications. I see my surgeon next month and I will try to get him to instigate a study about the malabsorption of medications after surgery.
More later.
Schizobabe
Happy Thanksgiving to all the other crazies out in blogland. My husband is joining us for dinner and I’m looking forward to spending some time with him. The ham is in the oven now, to be followed by the turkey later on. The pies are baked and are waiting patiently to be devoured. The green bean casserole is ready to go in the oven. The heavenly hash is chilling in the fridge. Later on there will be biscuits, gravy, and mashed potatoes. Until then, I’m relaxing.
Today begins my separation from my husband. I am heartbroken and grieving and panicky. My hope is that there will eventually be a reconciliation. My fear is that hope is futile. A tiny flicker of hope is better than no hope at all. I will cling to the flicker.
